just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
