we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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