I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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