I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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