Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
