You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
