I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This is my gift to your gina
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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