I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
