saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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