Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
