Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
