the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
please don't ironically join a cult
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