We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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