just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Your cock deserves a montage
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
