Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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