Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
