is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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