There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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