I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
