i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
