I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
