Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
