Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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