If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
