Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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