dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
