How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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