chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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