yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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