we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
