This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
