O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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