I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
