The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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