I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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