After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
