You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
