ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
