I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
