i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
