By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
