i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
