I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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