Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
