no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
