maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
