those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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