Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
