New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
