I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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