well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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