well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
