my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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