shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He better not be in your backpack
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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