I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
