i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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