woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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