The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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